Words to Live By (dated)

The following are from a speech that Bill Gates gave to an assembly of college graduates.

Rule 1: Life is not fair - get used to it

Rule 2: The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

Rule 3: You will NOT make $40,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.

Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.

Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your grandparents had a different word for burger flipping-they called it opportunity.

Rule 6: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you are. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parents' generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.

Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life has not. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as many times as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you find yourself. Do that on your own time!

Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.



More Rules to live by!

1. Never give yourself a haircut after three margaritas.

2. You need only two tools. WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the tape.

3. The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship "I apologize " and "You are right. "

4. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

5. The only really good advice that your mother ever gave you was, "Go! You might meet somebody! "

6. If he/she says that you are too good for him/her...BELIEVE them.

7. Learn to pick your battles; ask yourself, 'Will this matter one year from now? How about one month? One week? One day?'

8. If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance!

9. Living well really is the best revenge. Being miserable because of a bad or former relationship just might mean that the other person was right about you.

10. Work is good, but it's not that important.

11. When you make a mistake, make amends immediately. It's easier to eat crow while it's still warm.



The Following Laws Reflect Life in the Real World:

1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.


2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.


3. Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.


4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal & someone always answers.


5. Law of the Alibi - If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.


6. Variation Law - If you change lines, the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now


7. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.


8. Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.


9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.


10. Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.


11. Law of the Theater - People whose seats are furthest from the aisle always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer and who leave early before the end of the performance. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs and stay to the bitter end of the show. Aisle people also are very surly folk.


12. The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.


13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.


14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor are directly correlated to the newness & cost of the carpet or rug.


15. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.


16. Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.


18. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.


19. Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. But if you don't make an appointment, you'll stay sick.

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1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in America......do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
9. Only in America.....do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
11. Only in America......can a homeless combat veteran live in a cardboard box and a draft dodger live in the White House. (This was popular when Clinton was in office)

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1. It is well documented that for every mile that you jog, you add one minute to your life. This enables you, at age 85, to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $5,000 per month.

2. My grandmother started walking 5 miles a day when she was 60. She is now 97 and we don't know where she is.

3. The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

4. I joined a health club last year, spent about $400. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to show up.

5. I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I am doing.

6. I don't exercise at all. If God meant us to touch our toes, he would have put them further up our body.

7. I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

8. I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

9. The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.

10. If you are going to try cross country skiing, start with a small country.

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