Resume Monologue

My first job was working in an Orange Juice factory but I got canned. I couldn't concentrate.
 
Then I worked in the woods as a Lumberjack but I couldn't hack it so they gave me the axe.

After that I tried being a Tailor, it was a sew-sew job, but I just wasn't suited for it. 

 Next I tried working in a Muffler Factory but that was too exhausting.

Then I tried to be a Chef, figuring it would add a little spice to my life, but I just didn't have the thyme.
[I tried cooking school on the side, figuring it would add a little spice to my life, but I just didn't have the thyme. You know, to every thing there is a season...]
 
I attempted to be a Deli Worker but any way [no matter how] I sliced it I [just] couldn't cut the mustard.

My best [favorite] job was a Musician but eventually I found I wasn't noteworthy. [I wasn't very noteworthy]

 I studied a long time to become a Doctor but I didn't have any patience. [I was a doctor for a while...]

 Next was a job in a Shoe Factory. I tried but I just didn't fit in.

I became a Professional Fisherman but discovered that I couldn't live on my net income.

I managed to get a good job working for a Pool Maintenance Company, but the work was just too draining.

So then I got a job in a Workout Center [GYM], but they said I wasn't fit for the job.

After many years of trying to find steady work, I finally got a job as a Historian - until I realized there was no future in it.

My last job was working in Starbucks, but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind.

SO, I TRIED RETIREMENT AND FOUND THAT I'M PERFECT FOR THE JOB.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Mind Reading Brain Teaser

Read each sentence in sequence. Please don't skip any steps or the mathematics will be thrown off. Take the following test mentally. Don't write down answers and don't shout them out. 1. Pick a number from 2 to 9. It can be 2 or 9, or any number in-between. 2. Take your number and multiply it by 9. 3. That should give you a 2 digit number. Take these 2 digits and add them together. 4. Take the resulting number and subtract 5 from it. 5. Take that number and correspond it to the alphabet, numbering the letters. A=1, B=2, C=3, D=4 and so on. 6. Take your letter, and think of a country that begins with that letter. 7. Take the last letter in the name of that country, and think of an animal that starts with this letter. 8. Now, take the last letter in the name of that animal, and t...
Read more

Old and Out of Shape

My goal for 2016 was to lose just 10 pounds. Only 15 to go. Ate salad for dinner! Mostly croutons & tomatoes. Really just one big, round crouton covered with tomato sauce. And cheese. FINE, it was a pizza. I ate a pizza. How to prepare Tofu: 1. Throw it in the trash. 2. Grill a steak . I just did a week's worth of cardio after walking into a spider web. I don't mean to brag but......I finished my 14-day diet in 3 hours and 20 minutes. A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who mention it. Kids today don't know how easy they have it. When I was young, I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel. Senility has been a smooth transition for me. Remember back when we were kids and every time it was below zero out they c...
Read more

T Shirts, Signs and Bumper Stickers

T-Shirt Sayings : My husband and I have religious differences: he thinks he's God and I don't. I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke. Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me. I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing. God must love stupid people, he made so many. The gene pool could use a little chlorine. It is as bad as you think and they are out to get you. Consciousness: that annoying time between naps. MOP AND GLOW - Floor wax used by Three Mile Island cleanup team. Bumper Stickers for Women SO MANY MEN, SO FEW WHO CAN AFFORD ME. COFFEE, CHOCOLATE, MEN... SOME THINGS ARE JUST BETTER RICH. DON'T TREAT ME ANY DIFFERENTLY THAN YOU WOULD THE QUEEN. WARNING: ...
Read more