Question Jokes
HOW
CAN YOU TELL WHEN POLITICIANS ARE LYING?
THEIR LIPS MOVE.
WHY DON'T CANNIBALS LIKE TO EAT CLOWNS?
THEY TASTE FUNNY.
WHAT DO FISH SAY WHEN THEY HIT A CONCRETE WALL?
DAM!
WHAT DO ESKIMOS GET FROM SITTING ON THE ICE TOO LONG?
POLAROID'S.
WHAT DO YOU CALL A BOOMERANG THAT DOESN'T WORK?
A STICK.
WHAT DO YOU CALL SANTA'S HELPERS?
SUBORDINATE CLAUSES.
WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU CROSS A SNOWMAN WITH A VAMPIRE?
FROSTBITE.
WHAT LIES AT THE BOTTOM OF THE OCEAN AND TWITCHES?
A NERVOUS WRECK.
WHERE DO YOU FIND A DOG WITH NO LEGS?
RIGHT WHERE YOU LEFT HIM.
WHY DON'T BLIND PEOPLE LIKE TO SKY DIVE?
BECAUSE IT SCARES THE HELL OUT OF THE DOG.
WHAT KIND OF COFFEE WAS SERVED ON THE TITANIC?
SANKA.
WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A HARLEY AND A HOOVER?
THE LOCATION OF THE DIRT BAG.
WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A BAD GOLFER AND A BAD SKYDIVER?
A BAD GOLFER GOES: WHACK, DAMN. A BAD SKYDIVER GOES: DAMN, WHACK.
WHAT DO YOU CALL SKYDIVING LAWYERS?
SKEET.
WHAT GOES CLOP, CLOP, CLOP, BANG, BANG, CLOP CLOP?
AN AMISH DRIVE-BY SHOOTING.
WHAT DO YOU CALL A COW WITH TWO LEGS?
LEAN BEEF.
WHAT DO YOU CALL A COW WITH NO LEGS?
GROUND BEEF.
1. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.
2. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?
3. THE MAIN REASON THAT SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS LIVE.
4. I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, "WHERE'S THE SELF-HELP SECTION?" SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.
5. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?
6. IF A DEAF CHILD SIGNS SWEAR WORDS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?
7. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?
8. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?
9. WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO "GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?"
10. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?
11. IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?
12. WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?
13. WHY DO THEY LOCK GAS STATION BATHROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL BREAK-IN AND CLEAN THEM?
14. IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?
15. CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?
16. IF THE POLICE ARREST A MUTE, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?
17. WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES?
18. HOW DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE ROAD ONLY AT THOSE YELLOW ROAD SIGNS?
19. WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?
20. ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.
21. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?
22. IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?
23. IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?
24. IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?
25. WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN'T SHOOT AT THEM?
26. WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?
27. IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL MAN IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES, DOES HE BECOME DISORIENTED?*
28. CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD?
29. WHY DO SHOPS HAVE SIGNS, 'GUIDE DOGS ONLY?' THE DOGS CAN'T READ AND THEIR OWNERS ARE BLIND.
THEIR LIPS MOVE.
WHY DON'T CANNIBALS LIKE TO EAT CLOWNS?
THEY TASTE FUNNY.
WHAT DO FISH SAY WHEN THEY HIT A CONCRETE WALL?
DAM!
WHAT DO ESKIMOS GET FROM SITTING ON THE ICE TOO LONG?
POLAROID'S.
WHAT DO YOU CALL A BOOMERANG THAT DOESN'T WORK?
A STICK.
WHAT DO YOU CALL SANTA'S HELPERS?
SUBORDINATE CLAUSES.
WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU CROSS A SNOWMAN WITH A VAMPIRE?
FROSTBITE.
WHAT LIES AT THE BOTTOM OF THE OCEAN AND TWITCHES?
A NERVOUS WRECK.
WHERE DO YOU FIND A DOG WITH NO LEGS?
RIGHT WHERE YOU LEFT HIM.
WHY DON'T BLIND PEOPLE LIKE TO SKY DIVE?
BECAUSE IT SCARES THE HELL OUT OF THE DOG.
WHAT KIND OF COFFEE WAS SERVED ON THE TITANIC?
SANKA.
WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A HARLEY AND A HOOVER?
THE LOCATION OF THE DIRT BAG.
WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A BAD GOLFER AND A BAD SKYDIVER?
A BAD GOLFER GOES: WHACK, DAMN. A BAD SKYDIVER GOES: DAMN, WHACK.
WHAT DO YOU CALL SKYDIVING LAWYERS?
SKEET.
WHAT GOES CLOP, CLOP, CLOP, BANG, BANG, CLOP CLOP?
AN AMISH DRIVE-BY SHOOTING.
WHAT DO YOU CALL A COW WITH TWO LEGS?
LEAN BEEF.
WHAT DO YOU CALL A COW WITH NO LEGS?
GROUND BEEF.
1. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.
2. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?
3. THE MAIN REASON THAT SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS LIVE.
4. I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, "WHERE'S THE SELF-HELP SECTION?" SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.
5. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?
6. IF A DEAF CHILD SIGNS SWEAR WORDS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?
7. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?
8. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?
9. WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO "GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?"
10. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?
11. IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?
12. WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?
13. WHY DO THEY LOCK GAS STATION BATHROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL BREAK-IN AND CLEAN THEM?
14. IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?
15. CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?
16. IF THE POLICE ARREST A MUTE, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?
17. WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES?
18. HOW DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE ROAD ONLY AT THOSE YELLOW ROAD SIGNS?
19. WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?
20. ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.
21. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?
22. IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?
23. IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?
24. IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?
25. WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN'T SHOOT AT THEM?
26. WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?
27. IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL MAN IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES, DOES HE BECOME DISORIENTED?*
28. CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD?
29. WHY DO SHOPS HAVE SIGNS, 'GUIDE DOGS ONLY?' THE DOGS CAN'T READ AND THEIR OWNERS ARE BLIND.
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