Military Humor

'If the enemy is in range, so are you.' (Infantry Journal)
'It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed.' (US. Air Force Manual)
'Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword never encountered automatic weapons.' (General MacArthur)
'Tracers work both ways.' (Army Ordnance Manual)
'Five second fuses last three seconds.' (Infantry Journal)
'Any ship can be a minesweeper... once.' (Naval Ops Manual)
'Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.' (Unknown Infantry Recruit)
'If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up to him.' (Infantry Journal)
'Yea, Though I Fly Through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I Shall Fear No Evil... For I am at 50,000 Feet and Climbing.' (Sign over SR71 Wing Ops)
'You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3.' (Paul F. Crickmore (SR71 test pilot))
'The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.' (Unknown Author)
'If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage it has to be a helicopter -- and therefore, unsafe.' (Fixed Wing Pilot)
'When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane, you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash.' (Multi-Engine Training Manual)
'The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you.' (Attributed to Max Stanley ( Northrop test pilot))
'There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime.' (Sign over Squadron Ops Desk at Davis-Montham AFB , AZ)
'You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal.' (Lead-in to a Fighter Training Manual)
As a test pilot climbed out of the experimental aircraft, having torn off the wings and tail in the crash landing, the crash truck arrives.
The rescuer sees the bloodied pilot and asks, ‘What happened?'
The pilot replied: 'I don't know, I just got here myself!'

-----------------

Excuses for Falling Asleep at Work:

They told me at the blood bank that this might happen.
I'm testing one of the 15 minute power naps they raved about at the time-management course you sent me to.
Whew! Guess I must've left the top off the white out. You got here just in time!
Why did you interrupt me? I almost figured out a solution to our budget problem.
The coffee machine it broken.
Someone must have put the decaf in the wrong pot.

========================

 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Mind Reading Brain Teaser

Read each sentence in sequence. Please don't skip any steps or the mathematics will be thrown off. Take the following test mentally. Don't write down answers and don't shout them out. 1. Pick a number from 2 to 9. It can be 2 or 9, or any number in-between. 2. Take your number and multiply it by 9. 3. That should give you a 2 digit number. Take these 2 digits and add them together. 4. Take the resulting number and subtract 5 from it. 5. Take that number and correspond it to the alphabet, numbering the letters. A=1, B=2, C=3, D=4 and so on. 6. Take your letter, and think of a country that begins with that letter. 7. Take the last letter in the name of that country, and think of an animal that starts with this letter. 8. Now, take the last letter in the name of that animal, and t...
Read more

Old and Out of Shape

My goal for 2016 was to lose just 10 pounds. Only 15 to go. Ate salad for dinner! Mostly croutons & tomatoes. Really just one big, round crouton covered with tomato sauce. And cheese. FINE, it was a pizza. I ate a pizza. How to prepare Tofu: 1. Throw it in the trash. 2. Grill a steak . I just did a week's worth of cardio after walking into a spider web. I don't mean to brag but......I finished my 14-day diet in 3 hours and 20 minutes. A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who mention it. Kids today don't know how easy they have it. When I was young, I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel. Senility has been a smooth transition for me. Remember back when we were kids and every time it was below zero out they c...
Read more

T Shirts, Signs and Bumper Stickers

T-Shirt Sayings : My husband and I have religious differences: he thinks he's God and I don't. I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke. Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me. I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing. God must love stupid people, he made so many. The gene pool could use a little chlorine. It is as bad as you think and they are out to get you. Consciousness: that annoying time between naps. MOP AND GLOW - Floor wax used by Three Mile Island cleanup team. Bumper Stickers for Women SO MANY MEN, SO FEW WHO CAN AFFORD ME. COFFEE, CHOCOLATE, MEN... SOME THINGS ARE JUST BETTER RICH. DON'T TREAT ME ANY DIFFERENTLY THAN YOU WOULD THE QUEEN. WARNING: ...
Read more